Thank you all for your replies to the email that I wrote in April “I’m in hospital”, I was really touched and I appreciate you all. Sorry that I have not sent many email since then, this is because I have needed to rest more, be more in myself and explore my inner world. This email is to explain what has happened and the start of this journey. I plan to share the rest of the journey with you in the hope that it will help you grow and help you not experience the pain that I have been in. Please read all of this before you judge what I am saying, me or yourself.
In hospital they diagnosed me with Osteoarthritis of my left hip (they messed up the X-ray and you could not see my right hip). I was devastated. The nurse could see this and she said “Take pain killers every two hours and anti-inflammatories in-between. When you can walk again do not do more than ten minutes at a time and only a few times a day. Go and see your doctor in a weeks time when we have sent the letter through”. I did not want to take the crutches she gave me, even though it made sense. After a telling of from the nurse, I bowed my head in defeat and embarrassment and took the crutches.
When I got home I sat down and cried. I was acutely aware that my pain and what I had just been told brought into question everything I believed in and I could not understand why this was happening? I thought of myself as a conscious person who takes care of themselves and is aware and in touch with my thoughts, emotions and what I am doing with my energy. So why had I created this?
I wanted to NOT believe that I had created it, but this is what I believe in – what happens in my life I create by what I do with my energy, emotions and thoughts. This is what I teach others and over the years I have witnessed thousands of people change their life and become more fully who they really are – which is loving, compassionate and joyful beings who celebrate their life everyday. I have also seen many people spontaneously heal.
I sat with all of these thoughts, emotions and tears and tried to stay present in my body feeling everything – the pain, the hurt, the embarrassment and the joy. At some point I stopped crying and everything calmed down. It was then that I asked my body “What do you want or need?”. Almost straight away my body said (I heard a voice in my head that sounded a lot like my voice however its quality is always calm, without emotion and often just a few words)
“Grow your own food”.
“OK” I replied, but it said nothing more.
Many years ago I made a promise to my intuition / energy / body / higher self (what ever you call it), that I would always listen to it and do what it asks of me. So once again I promised that I would and trusted that I would soon be physically able to go and buy some plants to have in pots around the outside of my home.
What I have learned
This situation has taught be a lot about humility, as I mentioned in the email in April, “I’m in hospital”; I have also discovered a lot more about myself and I am now ready to share it with you. I did not want to tell people what I was experiencing because I did not know why I was in so much pain and what I could do to solve it. This was confounded by people criticising me and saying things like I should be able to heal myself. I believe that I can completely heal and be pain free again, and I am helping myself. This journey has been the most painful part of my continuous waking up journey and it was a big reminder that people continuous wake up (and I am told that even when you are ‘enlightened’ you continue to wake up).
My wish is that my sharing helps you to trust your emotions and your ability to let the emotion pass through you so you can receive the message from your unconscious mind, which is why we experience emotions; do more self reflection and bring your true selves alive. Look out for the next email next week.