In February and March of this year I was noticing a lot of anger arising in me. Sometimes there was a reason for the anger and at other times it would just arise. Being with this anger, stories from my past would appear in my mind and I would try to sit with them in acceptance, which means not judging or following them, and allow the emotion to rise, intensify and then fall until it was gone. When the anger had a reason it was always that a person or my business was not going as I expected it too.
My response to my feelings about my business was to try harder. Do you relate to this – Instead of being with the emotion, you react to it?
When I was not that mobile because of my hips I decided to mediate a lot more than usual. Slowly I began to realise that a lot of my stress, anger and frustration – which are feelings that either cause stress or are a result of stress, was because:
- I felt that I was not interacting enough with people,
- I did not feel stimulated or excited,
- I believed that I SHOULD be, my expectation, doing better in my life.
I had over the last year been spending more and more of my time sitting down at my computer working on my business. I knew that I did not like doing this, working on my business on the computer, but I felt that it was essential for the success of my business. In another words I realised that I was bored and boredom was the root cause of my stress!
I am embarrassed to publicly admit this
However how many of you do things you do not like, because they keep you busy, but they are actually depleting your energy and are distracting you from admitting the truth to yourself?
I ask my clients do they like they job / business and at least 80% of the time I get a drawn out “Its OK”. So then I ask them “Are you excited to go to work when you get up in the morning?” and the answer from these 80% of clients is always “No”.
I LOVE SEEING CLIENTS AND EASING THEIR PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL PAIN.
I put this in capitals as I wanted to make it abundantly clear.
However what I do not like:
1). Is not knowing if what I am writing or posting about is of any benefit to anyone? (So please write a response on this blog, or email me personally, and let me know.)
2). People that want me to convince them that they need to see me;
unless you want to ease your pain and look at yourself no amount of sessions with me, or anyone else, is going to make any difference!
And I could moan a little more but thats not the point; what the point is in me sharing my story is that I am hoping that you will do some self reflecting and benefit from it.
What I am doing for me.
Ironically about the same time I realised why I was stressed my hips began to hurt more if I sat down for more than 20 minutes – I am standing up whilst I am typing this. So what I have been doing is volunteering on a local horticultural therapy project with people that have mental health issues and helping them grow their own food. I choose this project because I get to be outside, I need my psychology knowledge, I am interacting with a great bunch of people and I get to play with plants – one of my passions. I am also doing some paid gardening work and growing my own salad and some vegetables in pots. I have also started to look at doing horticultural therapy part time and getting paid for it.
Points to reflect on:
- Anger and frustration are feelings that either cause stress or are a result of stress.
- Stress can be a result of being over worked or under stimulated or a lack of joy.
- Joy, passion and loving what you do leads to more joy and love.
- Your expectations may or may not be realistic. Just because you believe that someone thinks in a certain way does not mean that they do think like that.
- Communication is the key and sometimes you may need to wait until you are not feeling so hurt.